Understanding the Relationship Between Happiness and Depression
Depression can often feel like an insurmountable weight, making the pursuit of happiness seem elusive.
Understanding and cultivating a pattern of happiness can be a powerful tool in managing and overcoming depression. Happiness is not a gift bestowed by external circumstances but a state developed internally through resilience and perspective.
The Internal Development of Happiness
Happiness is cultivated by a willingness to be happy despite life's challenges. This mindset shift is crucial:
In Spite Of... 🌟: This internal commitment to happiness can buffer against the impact of external negative events.
Choose to be happy:
in spite of what comes your way
in spite of what goes wrong
AND in spite of self-doubt.
This choice is critical, but it isn't a magic pill. Choosing to be happy empowers you to choose the direction YOU WANT TO GO, rather than remain buffeted by forces outside your control, rather than waiting for the weight of depression to go away on its own. It means, the world has no lasting power to determine your internal well-being. It may impact it, it may stress and strain it, it may weigh you down longer than you want, but it cannot remove your power if you have chosen to be happy in spite of.
(Note) If you find that no matter how hard you try to be happy, to not be buried by depression, and you cannot shake it, it may be that your depression is chemically driven. In this situation, see your doctor or therapist and take the extra measures that will help with overcoming depression.
Self-Sustained Happiness 🌿: When you rely on external circumstances to bring happiness, your well-being becomes fragile and easily disrupted.
Developing an internal pattern of happiness strengthens your resilience.
This resilience builds over time, like an athlete who puts in consistent effort to become more capable of facing the physical demands of their sport. Be patient with where you are starting and measure progress in chunks of time. If you have chosen to be happy, that happiness will start poking through and your body will be able to sustain that feeling longer and longer as time goes on.
NOTE: Even when you have developed solid resilience, you will still discover times and experiences that push you too far, that sap you of hope and happiness. When you experience these moments, you have not failed. It is simply the nature of being human and living life. We all experience these things and instead of beating ourselves up for it, have compassion and let yourself go through the tough times without being perfect.
The Pitfalls of External Happiness
When happiness is dependent on external factors,
several negative outcomes can arise.
Increased Vulnerability 🚨: Without internal happiness, you may find yourself more susceptible to negative experiences. This can lead to a cycle where the absence of happiness makes you more prone to depression.
Over the years, as I have worked with couples in crisis, I have noticed this theme play out often. WHILE it is wonderful to be in a marriage where your spouse shows love by increasing your happiness through your love language, it is not healthy when any failure or mistake your spouse makes decreases your sense of happiness and value in life or the marriage.
Tolerance of Negativity 🛑: Desperation for any form of happiness can cause you to endure negative and degrading experiences longer than you should. This tolerance can further exacerbate feelings of depression.
I have seen many individuals put up with and endure mistreatment because they are desperate for external validation or external "permission" to be happy. They would be patient through the mistreatment and cling onto the moments when their partner or other individual praised them for whatever reason, and then endure in pain, over and over again, until the praise was given again.
If we condition ourselves to need external sources for our happiness, we will be unable to create or validate the internal happiness we can personally create for ourselves.
Stabilizing Happiness Internally
By developing an internal pattern of happiness, you can create a more stable and fulfilling life.
You will develop Improved Discernment 👁️: When you cultivate internal happiness, you become better at discerning good from bad experiences. This clarity helps you to sustain positive influences and remove destructive ones.
You will also discover Increased Resilience 💪: An internal source of happiness makes you more resilient against life's ups and downs, reducing the risk of falling into depression.
As you practice an internal pattern of happiness, without much effort, you begin to develop healthier boundaries and rules about how you engage in life and with others. You will discover that many of the people around you will respond to you in healthier ways and will more easily discover those who are not healthy to be around.
In addition, you will naturally feel resilient when things are more difficult. You will feel more hopeful and able to endure when things don't work out or when positive results are slow.
Practical Steps to Cultivate Happiness
Mindfulness and Gratitude 🌺: Practice mindfulness to stay present and grateful for the positives in your life. A great way to do this is, when you go to bed, write down 5 things you FELT went well. Don't just "acknowledge" what you believe you should be grateful for. Find the things you "felt" went well. That feeling is the thing you are nurturing. When you force yourself to be grateful for something you are not feeling, it runs the risk of making you feel further from those positive emotions rather than nurturing them. Feel what went well, feel what you are grateful and happy for. This is all about getting the right chemicals going in your body.
Positive Relationships 🤝: Healthy relationships are crucial for emotional well-being and can reinforce your internal happiness. You cannot control everyone you will be interacting with on a daily basis, but you can make choices to be around others who inspire happiness and security for you, who are empathetic, but don't dive into the problems you are wrestling with, but invite you to be a part of life.
Self-Care and Compassion 💖: Take care of your physical, mental, and emotional needs. Show compassion to yourself during difficult times, acknowledging your efforts and progress. Getting sufficient sleep, drinking enough water every day, and eating a healthy diet helps your body feel better and lets you have a greater capacity to engage in life.
Conclusion
Happiness is a powerful antidote to depression, but it requires an internal commitment.
By cultivating a pattern of happiness from within, you
can build resilience, improve discernment, and
create a stable foundation for well-being.
This approach not only helps in working past depression but also leads to a more fulfilling and balanced life. Embrace the journey of internal happiness, and let it guide you through life's challenges.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If you're struggling with depression and want to learn how to cultivate lasting happiness, we're here to help.
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